I Don't Want To Lose Control

I Don’t Want to Lose Control

02/26/07

It’s so hard when you’re struggling to make sense of your life

And there is no one out there to say you’re doing fine

It’s so hard when the only clouded voices that you hear

Are telling you to give up and buy into your fears

Still you work it through every day, just trying to do your best

The times they are a changing and each moment is a test

But through it all you’ve questioned every step along the way

And now you’re even wondering what happened to brighter days

Now I don’t want to lose control

And I don’t want to lose my soul

And I don’t want to feel that way again

No I don’t want to be confused

And I don’t want to be abused

No I don’t want to be without a friend

Because the darkness is so scary when you see it as the truth

And the coldness is so chilling when you don’t know what to do

Oh the blindness of a true love is something you only dream

For the blindness you are sensing is a far more tragic scene

You feel you are falling down an endless mammoth hill

You try to reach for branches but your attempts are losing still

You don’t know where to get off or how long you will fall

And all you’ve got is suffering to guide you through it all

(Music)

But you’re sensing a little anger, a little hatred and some rage

You even think the hill is really only made up fate

Still as you fall you hear a call of something from inside

It’s telling you to slow down and follow a different guide

This time you stop to reach out for another broken branch

This time you see the value taken this fall into your hands

You dig so deep with your feet as the rocks turn into sand

And than before your very eyes you stop and take a stand

For I don’t want to lose control

And I don’t want to lose my soul

And I don’t want to feel that way again

No I don’t want to be confused

And I don’t want to be abused

No I don’t want to be without a friend

For The Birds Still Sing

4/29/07

It seems like a distant dream, so many years you know I’ve been

Looking for an answer to soothe my soul

I thought I found it in my games, one-night stands and travelling

Romantic songs that made me feel so sweet

Thinking of girls that I once had, and memories of friends and Dad

How could all of those good times fade away?

Sunshine and pale moonlight, walking home on a star filled night

Dreaming of a future so full and bright

Was it the booze I can’t say, or the simple tricks we used to play

All I know is I’m here alone again

A weekend trip with the boys, or a cute little lover from a girl of choice

Writing love songs used to mean everything to me

Now life is made up of chores and bills, oh my Mom would say you’d get it still

When I was young and had better things on my mind

Thinking of the world today, wondering what is our fate

And asking if my life means a God damn thing

Than I’m reminded by all the greats, it’s not about winning or feeling shame

The source is found, as I love my tears away

No more asking what went wrong, no more complaining of a life that’s gone

No more praying for a little girl to rescue me

Cause in the midst of one mans soul, faith and time will hit a cross road

Am I going to let my life bring me down again?

I’m not young anymore, but I’m not old if I can hear the call

It’s telling me to go out and be a friend

Find someone and lend a hand, share some love and understand

It’s giving that will redeem me in the end

Smile each time a child walks by, give them hope of a finer time

When people embrace this Earth all hand in hand

Now I’m not saying to obey my words, but I’m not going to give in to hurt

I know now what it means to be a man

Gonna take a stand and live while I can, so what if life still has a few bends

For the birds still sing every morning the best they can

Cause in the midst of one mans soul, faith and time will hit a cross road

Am I going to let my life bring me down again?

I’m not young anymore, but I’m not old if I can hear the call

It’s telling me to go out and be a friend

Now I’m not saying to obey my words, but I’m not going to give in to hurt

I know now what it means to be a man

Gonna take a stand and live while I can, so what if life still has a few bends

For the birds still sing every morning the best they can

Young Man

1/11/07

Oh young man what you doing?

Are you hurting inside again?

Or are ya’ going out for pleasure

When you swore you found the end

Oh young man what you thinking?

Did you really think you could win?

Did you think you had the answers?

All stored inside your head

Oh young man what you feeling?

Are you lonely without a friend?

Did you walk away from true love’s grace?

Did your pride come out again?

Oh young man share a moment

Even though I’m just the wind

Cause I’d like to have a word with you

I won’t tell them where you went

For we’ve all been down that road before

Good times and money well spent

Yet still we find in the morning shine

Are lives are still so bent

I’m sure you want to be a hero

Or at least somebody’s man

Oh I’m sure you wish your fantasies

Could come to life here once again

I know it can seem so difficult

At times when you’re feeling down

But trust me when I tell you son

One day you will come around

So young man share a moment

Even though I’m just the wind

Cause I’d like to have a word with you

I won’t tell them where you went

(Music)

So can you stop and hear the notes between

Your thoughts and your fear

Can you stop and see the actions

You have caused without a tear

Can you stop and sense the life you’ve led

And the patterns that you dwell

Can you stop and embrace the wonder?

Of this world you knew so well

Oh can you stop and feel your peace?

The only thing you ever found

His Life

05/29/07

He’s a man of 32, living life through and through

Just doing the best that he can

He works hard every day, leaves time for a little play

Still somethings in his way, at the end of his day

For his mind plays tricks on him, like the Riddler to Bat Man

While he swears he will bring it to an end

But another day comes and goes, as the journey ebbs and flows

Still there’s something in his soul that’s not his friend

You see he’s always dreamt big things, like peace and harmony

Like a life by the sea, sailing in the wind

He even works a job that honours his good heart

And he knows there’s a calling just for him

Yet when it’s time for bed, and the hour is way pass ten

He feels something swirling like the dead

It comes to haunt him so, for reasons we don’t know

But the sign post on the road says look ahead

And his mind plays tricks on him, like the Riddler to Bat Man

While he swears he will bring it to an end

But another day comes and goes, as the journey ebbs and flows

Still there’s something in his soul that’s not his friend

You can see him down the street, in the sweet summer heat

Watching as a pretty girl walks on by

For a moment he’s in love, with this beauty from up above

But all he ever does is wonder why

Cause he’s never really tasted joy of a girl and a loving boy

Lost in the pleasures of their time

And he’s never had a chance, to feel true romance

But he’s starting to think he should try

For his mind plays tricks on him, like the Riddler to Bat Man

While he swears he will bring it to an end

But another day comes and goes, as the journey ebbs and flows

Still there’s something in his soul that’s not his friend

All his life he’s been so proud of proving he’ll come around

Once he figures it all out, he’ll tell you what life’s about

And all his life he’s cracked some codes that some other won’t care to know

But the code he never cracked still fill’s him with such doubt

Now a choice must be made, the price will be paid

Live a life or simply live alone?

Being strong, being brave, being all them things

Revealing the finest dream he knows

Of sharing a life, with a pretty girl as his wife

When she says I love you so just the same

Even though you’re not Superman, and the Riddler still ruins plans

You’re a man who has lived and conquered shame

So hold me tight in your arms, especially when it’s dark

And let your heart feel again

Or run away as you do, with your books and theories too

But don’t you cry the blues when the Riddler comes instead

So hold me tight in your arms, especially when it’s dark

And let your heart feel again

Or run away as you do, with your books and theories too

But don’t you cry the blues when your dreams come to an end

So don’t you cry the blues when your life comes to an end

Wild and Free

08/04/07

Oh you know what I mean when I mention the scene of a man and his hopes to be free

From the thoughts in his mind that do it all the time that trick him with them cleaver simple schemes

In the night time alone, with no voices but his own, it is tempting to give in to fear

So he might have drink and fill up the sink and forget what he thinks with a beer

One day he’ll do okay think his demons have gone away but it’s then they come back again

Oh it’s sad to realize that this man’s been hypnotized like so many good people of this land

Oh it’s sad to realize that this man’s been hypnotized like so many good people of this land

Now sitting in an old subway looking down or looking away from the tears that well so deep inside

In the girl on the city train still finding her only way and praying that one day she’ll be alright

People passing and walking by with stories and those little lies, their minds are filled with so much pain

And even if they wish to say they’re happy so much today, I wonder if tomorrow they’ll feel the same

The fleeting of our happiness just trying to be our best and never accepting who we are

Listening to the radio just telling us more things to own and wondering why things have got so hard

Oh I red in a magazine or was it just a silly dream that the truth is so deep within our souls

Was it found on a neon sign or the winds of these crazy times, perhaps it is found in rock n’ roll

Time waits for no one friends and all good things must surely end but bad things will soon pass as well

So what can we really say but take the time to breathe today, let wisdom come to replace hell

Clarity and peace of mind, enjoyment of this sacred time, acceptance of what we choose to be

Heaven is a simple place, arriving when we make a change to let inner love be our dream

So let inner love be our dream

(Music)

Now I heard the echoes of my mind while something shifted deep inside,

I knew forgiveness would be won

You see being scared and being sad, being angry or righteous friend, all of this I knew could be gone

And what was left there I can’t say, it’s a mystery to me every day but God how I thank you for this

Because you gave me now something real, greater then a happy pill, you gave me my hope to feel a kiss

I know it won’t happen fast but that’s okay I’m on a path and I’ll stop to enjoy every scene

The flowers in the spring time and the stars shining best they can; the sounds of nature wild and free

Oh the flowers in the spring time and the stars shinning best they can; the sounds of nature wild and free

Oh the sounds of nature wild and free

When You Go

02/01/08

Do I love you, do I hate you, I really do not know

I’m aching in my heart and in my toes

Do I feel the love inside the chambers of my mind?

Do I sense what is right when I am low?

And do I know the truth, oh Lord what can I do?

I’m aching in my mind and in my soul

So tell me what is this could it be your tender bliss?

But do I feel your love when you go?

When you go, how I hurt so deep inside

When you go, my life just isn’t right

When you go I am scared of being half aware

Of the truth that guides me when you go

Can I see the light, that’s shinning bright tonight?

Can I see the signs oh tell me please?

For when I’m lost inside, with no place left to hide

Do you come to me softly in my sleep?

Now the stars out tonight makes a child feel all right

For he knows in his woes he is fine

But sometimes he feels a chill that runs deeper then his will

And the pain that he feels turns into fright

Oh the pain that he feels turns into fright

For when you go, how I hurt so deep inside

When you go, my life just isn’t right

When you go I am scared of being half aware

Of the truth that guides me, when you go

Oh when you go, how I hurt so deep inside

When you go, my life just isn’t right

When you go I am scared of being half aware

Of the truth that guides me, when you go

Greater Truth

04/26/08

You ask me to write down words, express now all my hurt

Writing to myself, expressing all the doubt

You say I’m not at ease, I sense the truth you see

If only I could be, walking proud and walking free

For you have no time it seems for a man with broken dreams

But I’ll respect now what you say, for I know there’ll come a day

When the sun will shine my way, and I will get to play

Like I did those yesterdays, how I wish I’d be more brave

But the truth is there in me when I trust in how I breathe

There’s no fear to get involved, no anger there at all

Just a man whose living life, loving all the signs

From the maps that show me how, oh girl I’ll come around

For I know it’s in my grasp, having had the final laugh

Just look and you will find the self that is divine

Shining bright and shining true, no longer just a fool

How I’ve been so very cruel, now it’s time to shade these blues

Gonna get up off my ass, live my life here while it lasts

Feel the wind now in my hair, and enjoy now every stare

As I am more aware

With a body being bare

Filled with passion, filled with spice

Feeling very nice

A lover’s recipe of a life now wild and free

How I know that I can be, all the man I long to be

What I mean what I say, that life is here today

And I will past the test, and kick it in the ass

No more worries holding back, no more pity from the past

Just a soul who’s free to laugh oh my time will be a blast

Cause God it’s there in me, I know now what I see

Can’t you feel the burning heat from the passions that I speak?

Gonna love now someone true, gonna know just what to do

When the time comes I’ll be brave and girl you’ll wish to say

That the truth is there in me when I trust in how I breathe

There’s no fear to get involved, no anger there at all

Just a man whose living life, loving all the signs

From the maps that show me how, oh girl I’ll come around

For I know it’s in my grasp, having had the final laugh

Just look and you will find the self that is divine

Shining bright and shining true, no longer just a fool

And live my greater truth; oh I know just what I’ll do

Gonna get up off my ass, live my life here while it lasts

Feel the wind now in my hair, and enjoy now every stare

As I am more aware

With a body being bare

Filled with passion, filled with spice

Feeling very nice

A lover’s recipe of a life now wild and free

How I know that I can be, all the man I long to be

Steve Flemming

Warmer Place Today

11/24/02

Here I am in the city, living on my own

Still looking for a pretty, who can help me build a home

Now I know that life’s not easy, but at times I just can’t say

Oh Lord won’t you please stand by me, even though I never pray

I’ve given up that crazy chase, that still rumbles in my head

Of seeking out for someone to hold, in the winter nights in bed

I’ve taken on a little refuge, in my readings and my friends

But I still question all the hype that tries to move me away instead

And there’s that constant roar of the highway, but it’s clearly not the ocean waves

Oh I wonder where they’re all going, perhaps a better place today

Still I can always count on the moon to come out and the shinning of the stars

And I can count on my heart from the very start to type yet another song

(Music)

Going to gain some strength, as I rest today, so what if I’m a little tired

Going take a risk and be somebody, not a lousy bird on a wire

I will not let those foolish thoughts ever take control of me

Cause I have what it takes, even in the pain, and I’ll keep pushing till I’m set free

And there’s that constant roar of the highway, but it’s clearly not the ocean waves

Oh I wonder where they’re all going, perhaps a better place today

Still I can always count on the moon to come out and the shinning of the stars

And I can count on my dedicated mind even when the times are hard

(1/2 Music)

In the midst of my own darkness, is a light that needs to shine

But how can I truly shine the light, if I run each time it’s not bright?

I have to be brave every single day, and live how I want to live

No more questioning if I have what it takes, only acting on what I can

Cause a hero is someone who feels the fear but still faces it anyways

What great advice for such trying times, what great advice today

For inspiration comes in many forms but should be measured by its results

So I’ll take these words and set my sites, wash away those mental faults

And there’s that constant roar of the highway, but it’s clearly not the ocean waves

Oh I wonder where they’re all going, perhaps a better place today

Still I can always count on the moon to come out and the shinning of the stars

And I can count on my search for that treasured pearl, its based on a warmer heart

And I can count on my search for that treasured pearl, its based on a warmer heart

What Remains

2/06/08

You see it’s me again, oh Dad how have you been?

I’m learning something new now everyday

From the passion in my soul to the path of being whole

There’s nothing left to blame that’s in my way

Oh I’ve learned integrity, from great leaders that I see

I’ve learned how to get on with my time

For I practice what I can, to be an honest man

Still sometimes here I am with a sigh

But Dad I want to say as I write these words today

There is something that is shifting deep in me

What is funny about this truth, is my heart always new

It’s the laughter and the humour that I grieve

Now I think about my early years when I had such little fear

When I laughed with tears, not hard to do

Just feeling it deep inside, not caring to stay in line

Just being filled with joy, just like a fool

Oh Dad how I know your life was hard

Growing up with a family so torn apart

And although I was young, I never could have known

But a part of you must leave my brand new start

There’s no reason I need to carry on your pain

I have done this for far too many days

You’ve been gone for six years though I wish you were here

My life needs its freedom and its play

Filled with laughter and pleasure that’s for sure

Filled with joy and peace as my cure

No more dread of days to come, what a place to live from

And Dad what remains is my love

No more dread of days to come, what a place to make up

And Dad what remains is our love

And Dad what remains is one love

Child

1/11/07

When I was just a child, everything in my sight

Seemed so very sacred, seemed so very right

Like the Christmas tree and it’s glow or the moon light on the snow

I remember feeling wonder of a Universe made for hope

I could walk around proud and free, knowing God was watching me

And I was here to make sure of- I would never lose that peace

For back then I could also dream, in the night time so serene

As I befriended all the monsters and offered love instead of screams

I recall as I look back now, just how much that I found

Real meaning in my play time; real purpose was no doubt

I could ride on down my street, enjoy the sunshine and the heat

With my future in front of me, it was my life can’t you see?

And the hero’s that I had, they were greater than any man

They had powers beyond the land, still one day they would need my hand

And together we would fight for justice; together we would fight for peace

Together we could all be trusted, and together we would all be free

Now the years have come and gone, and the child that once did roam

In search of a new adventure, in search of a brighter road

Oh the child that I once knew, filled with mystery but refused

To give in to the thinking that he was only being cute

Oh the boy that once had my eyes, used to see so much divine

And he wasn’t afraid to cry, when deep desires were denied

Yes the young boy that wore my pride, was not frightened by the light

Cause he found it every heart felt time cause he knew that was his right

Yes the young boy with your pride, you’re not afraid of the light

For you even found it now so proud, when you came to me despite

Yes-young boy with your pride, you’re not afraid of the light

For you even found it now so proud, when you rescued me here tonight

Safe and Clear

5/02/07

It’s not the birds that will sing or the pleasures that life will bring

Like the taste of most anything, as we ride on a Sunday swing

Or the romance that we once had with a lover there both hand in hand

Just sharing laughter with a friend, and wishing it would not end

No there’s something more than all of this, like a universal enchanting kiss

Like an all-forgiving cosmic bliss, we really cannot miss

Some call it their inner passionate joy; while some will say it is a choice

Still some will even just try to avoid, the words of the sacred voice

Cause in the darkness there is light, and in the sadness there are signs

Of magic making up our lives, when we breathe in what is wise

For the flow is so wild and free and it nourishes most everything

Like the sunshine on the dancing trees in the early morning spring

Oh peace and presence cannot be a concept that we merely think

It’s letting go of our foolish needs to solve how we ought to be

For our healing will finally come to bare, when we drop those crazy hidden fears

And trust while we’re all living here, that the moment is safe and clear

Cause the moment is safe and clear

You see it is there now for everyone, who wants to feel the blazing Sun

And all will see that we are one, with a journey that’s never done

Still the truth sings out for those to hear, and dries up all our frightened tears

To let us live our lives more clear as we look out through the peer

It’s not about being on top or saying that we know it all

It’s simply answering the call and trusting we cannot fall

So let go of the silly noise that says we have reached the point

Where we think we are the truth of joy when in fact we are the void

Simply let the life force bring us up, and honour just how it does

And we will feel the inner love when truth shines like a dove

Don’t close it off with tendencies of thinking that our minds are free

For the truth about intimacy is how tender it all can seem

So soften that inner self and be grateful to others as well

And one day we will help ourselves when we finally let go of hell

Cause in the darkness there is light, and in the sadness there are signs

Of magic making up our lives, when we breathe in what is wise

For the flow is so wild and free and it nourishes most everything

Like the sunshine on the dancing trees in the early morning spring

Oh peace and presence cannot be a concept that we merely think

It’s letting go of our foolish needs to solve how we ought to be

For our healing will finally come to bare, when we drop those crazy hidden fears

And trust while we’re all living here, that the moment is safe and clear

Cause the moment is safe and clear

Higher Train

5/5/06

Now you’re sitting with your shackles on the mystery train of life

Still you carry a demeanor that blazes through the night

The ancient scriptures tell you that the soul is where it’s at

While the rhythm of the city sits alone and dulls the path

You’re tumbling and rolling in your bed while fast a sleep

But when you wake you wonder if the truth is bright or bleak

You’ve reached a point where all your joints are saying one last thing

Oh brother find your reason and get on that higher train

For it can crush the deepest spirit and it neutralizes pain

It makes us lose perspective of why we’re here today

But those moments when the passion connects with the real

Are reminders that the purpose is far greater than our fear?

Looking deep within the darkness, is a journey few will take

Looking for an answer, when the questions are so grey

Hoping for a miracle is weakened by blind faith

But when we trust the strength inside we soon embody fate

Now I was just a poor boy, I didn’t really know the game

I was drawn to impulses, like the flowers are to rain

But when I looked much deeper, of what it all means

I realized so deep inside that the truth is worth the pain

So go on with your life boy, go on just the same

Skimming the waters surface and running from the shame

Disposable society will face its judgment day

But when the final count down comes, will the rubble rise again

Still you’re tumbling and rolling in your bed while fast a sleep

But when you wake you wonder if the truth is bright or bleak

You’ve reached a point where all your joints are saying one last thing

Oh brother find your reason and get on that higher train

Embrace The Friend

11/10/06

I know he don’t trust me when I try to talk with him

I know he is hurting and doesn’t embrace the friend

Who’s been there from beginning and will be there till the end

Oh I know he don’t trust me when I try to talk with him

I understand your sorrow and I understand your pain

I hear you when you’re crying and hiding from the shame

I want to embrace you but you do not here my call

And so I write to you this love song and hope that you don’t fall

You’re a boy inside that’s for sure and there’s nothing wrong with that

You’re a teenager on the verge of another rebellious act

You’re a lover and a loner and a seeker of the truth

Still you can’t define the reasons why your feelings are so few

A dreamer and a legend is what you are about

In the mind you take for granted when your thoughts are filled with doubt

You wish that they would go away so you could get on with your life

But who are you fooling for the darkness knows the light

And you sound appalled by what’s been told when I share with you this truth

That it’s feelings you’re afraid of and nothing more is true

You’ve spent your life writing lines and reading all you know

But life is not a chapter found stacked against the wall

The outrage sure I understand, you just want to explode

You feel victim of a circumstance beyond your control

But what would happen fella if you were just to sit with this

For the feelings that you run from keep you prisoner from the bliss

Loneliness and emptiness are all apart of life

And sadness and helplessness well believe me there still right

There’s nothing wrong with writing songs and writing how you feel

But the day of being human is embracing the unhealed

It’s the day you will recognize that I am truly you

I’ve been there with you my soldier; I am there when you lose

Together we are okay for we can ride out this storm

For feelings will not harm us, it’s the running we must deplore

I know he don’t trust me when I try to talk with him

I know he is hurting and doesn’t embrace the friend

Who’s been there from beginning and will be there till the end

Oh I know he don’t trust me when I tell him I am him

Here to Stay

06/03/05

We could spend our whole life just trying to find perfection

We may even think we found it for a while

We may claim we’ve solved the riddles of our obsessions

We may swear we’ve seen the truth now in a smile

But each time it seems we are denied eventually

As every smile that catches our eye somehow sadly leave

Just holding on to sand has left us feeling weak and dry

Oh but come on pal, let’s hold on now, and let’s see what’s behind the lie

(Music)

So can we simply learn to let go of some of the visions we once had

All those dreams and schemes just keep us sleeping deeply friend

Now this may sound strange, what you’re hearing today but that’s okay

Cause fella this time a more fulfilling life is here to stay

Our standards were too high and we never had the time to enjoy the breeze

Our movements were too rushed, always in a frenzied fuss so much it seemed

Even when a pretty girl came in our lonely world we could barely see

That love was waiting for us to open the door and finally enter peace

But instead we chose to be super human so to speak and love did pass

While determined to be tough, to be strong enough we finished last

Still as we’ve said before, we’re really no more than how we feel

But as long as we are chained by the fear of pain we will not be healed

So let us come back down from the crazy clouds that fog our eyes

And give up the need to be so sweet and being so right

Let go now of the convictions pal and the righteousness

And just learn to be a little more free and soon time will tell

That life can be lived, without all the shit of being the best

There’s still time to find the beat, as we tap our feet with each new step

Then before we know it friend, a new life will begin and even happiness

And we will finally see, what it is to redeem when we let it all pass

So don’t waste another minute, just get back in the rhythm of a soothing song

And be willing for the chance to let true romance come and take you along

I know it’s been a while to let your self smile and feel so tall

Oh but come on fella, I’ll be there with a’ there’s no way we can get it wrong

When we simply learn to let go of some of the visions we once had

All the dreams and schemes just keep us sleeping deeply friend

Now this may sound strange, what you’re hearing today but that’s okay

Cause fella this time a more fulfilling life is here to stay

Our standards were too high and we never had the time to enjoy the breeze

Our movements were too rushed, always in a frenzied fuss so much it seemed

Even when a pretty girl came in our lonely world we could barely see

That love was waiting for us to open the door and finally enter peace

Steve Flemming

Be Myself Again

I’ve been chewed down and spit out one too many times now

One too many times now friend

I’ve been put in my place, tripped up in the race

Feeling so disgraced in sin

I’ve been a loser and abused by my own tunes

By my own thoughts and then

I would get back on my feet walk on down the street

Only to hear the wind

Not sure what to say, here comes another day

Here comes another burnt out man

Well I thought I would be different, thought I could be lifted

From the crap that never ends

For you know I’m feeling sad that I have never had

Oh I have never felt the peace

That we read all about, in the books and how

We should feel when we learn to be

But I’ve done everything that I can think

And fella I know I’m bound

To be running in a maze just chasing foolish things

That never truly come around

So today I write these words, even though I won’t be heard

Even though I won’t be feeling proud

But what I have to say, I’m gonna say today

I’m gonna pray that it’s aloud

So stop if you like, even dare to pick a fight

But buddy I’m laying it down

You see this world that I live in, I just need to give in

I just can’t take it now

But no matter where I go, no matter who I know

From this moment on I’ll hear the sounds

That are found in the silence that comes as inspired

That comes not from up or down

I’m not looking to impress, not looking for the best

Just looking for a place to rest

And try to re-discover all that’s been covered

All from deepening my breath

I’m gonna take my time, and simply unwind

Simply find my roots again

Gonna watch the water waves and feel the summer rays

Gonna let myself be and then

I will come back tomorrow remember all the sorrows

Remember what I have said

For I don’t really care to go somewhere

I just want to be myself again

Gonna calm right down, gonna hear the sounds

Of the angels singing in my head

And let the children play and let the elders say

What ever they like my friend

Cause here again tomorrow I’ll remember all the sorrows

I’ll remember what I have said

For I don’t really care to go somewhere

I just want to be myself again

Oh I don’t really care to go somewhere

I just want to be myself again

5/15/05
Steve Flemming

Not Lookin'

I’m just sittin’ in my bedroom fella with nothing on but time

Leafin’ through the pages of the stages in my life

Thinkin’ about the good times that rarely came in spite

All the efforts I have tried, all my efforts, all my life

Sun shinning brightly sir if only I could feel

The warm waves of the ocean but the drama seems so real

Every day’s just another day that’s testin’ who I am

Oh but man I’m exhausted and tonight it’s got to end

I’m not lookin’ for a new drug to put my mind at ease

I’m not lookin’ for a good book to teach me how to heal

I’m not loolin’ for the answers they leave me feeling teased

I’m not lookin’ for improvements sir, I just want to finally be

With the hours passing by, as another baby cries

With the singing of the birds, all the songs I’ve never heard

I just want to be free from the discontent and lack of peace

I just want to be with someone who can somehow share my dreams

(Music)

Still the night will come as it always does and I’m still asking why

Willing now to walk with you, for body I’m hypnotized

But I guess I must be patient and try to keep my faith

When I’m tested each obsessive night and every compulsive day

I’ll shut off the lights and pray tonight that one day the train will come

And take me to the place where I am free to laugh and run

Do I know I have the choice to ride that train today?

But the clouds roll in and the mind begins a new nightmare once again

Still I’m not lookin’ for a new drug to put my mind at ease

I’m not lookin’ for a good book to teach me how to heal

I’m not loolin’ for the answers they leave me feeling teased

I’m not lookin’ for improvements sir, I just want to finally be

I just want to be safe and living sir now in a place

That allows me to be happy and allows me to save face

With the people that I see, all the kids now in my dreams

As we run so joyfully, even dancing carelessly

And wake up in the morning and feel that I own it

Then walk out in the golden of the light that lets us all win

And not worry about improvin’ and not worry about a movin’

Just breathin’ in the seasons and with time I’ll be okay

With the hours passing by as another baby cries

With the singing of the birds, all the songs I’ve never heard

I just want to be free from the discontent and lack of peace

I just want to be with someone who can somehow comfort me

I just want to be with someone who can somehow set me free

5/29/05

Steve Flemming